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The Queen was visiting one of London's top hospitals and she specified she wanted to see absolutely everything. During her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was w*nking.
"Oh my!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what's the meaning of this?"
The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry you're Majesty, but this man has a very serious medical condition and is only following doctor's orders.
His body produces too much $emen and his te$ticles keep overfilling.
Until we can find out exactly what is causing this problem he's been instructed to do that at least 5 times a day or there is a danger that his te$ticles will explode, and he would die instantly.
"Oh, I am sorry", said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a bl*w-job.
"Oh my goodness!", said the Queen, "What on earth is happening there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, but he's with BUPA".
 
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