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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
It's been like a billion degrees celcius up here for the past week or so, and as a result every window in the house has been open continually, which has been a pest at night, as if we have any lights on lots of wee beasties fly in and we have to melt them in the chops with a flip-flop.

Anyway, sitting on the pan last night laying a mahoosive KFC-induced belter of a ploppy, and, apparently in his ongoing crusade against the evil of Gotham, Batman flew in my window and attacked me!!! :eek::eek::eek:

Turns out it wasn't him though, it was "just" an absolutely ****ing massive, massive moth, fluttering and flapping at me! Well, some of you will know that I have a morbid fear of them, so I quickly waddled out, George pants around the ankles, orange dung still hanging freely from my pooper, screeming like a big girl for Lisa (who was in bed at the time) to "come and get it".

Lisa came running through, completely in the scud with her tits and minge hanging out, armed with some Raid, and set about it! Anyway, by this time, another SIX (albeit much smaller) moths had flown in, so by the time she had killed them all and closed the window I was not able to commence much overdue sphinctoral wipeage as I physically could not breathe due to excessive amounts of bug killer loitering in the bog air. In the end, I had to clean my dungchute with some babywipes :D

Anyway, August, the month of peak moth size, is almost upon us. What am I going to do?!?!?! Things will only get worse :(:(:(:(:(
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
BTW, whilst typing this I remembered about a thread I started a few years ago on another forum:

Sitting at the PC the other day, when all of a sudden I hears this "FLUTTERBANGFLUTTERFLUTTERFLUTTERTHUMPFLUTTERFLUTTERBANGRUMBLEFLUTTERFLUTTERFU(KINGFLUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sound coming from the lounge. Grabbed my handy pocket-sized baseball bat, and edged cautiosly into the room.

The noise was coming from under the couch!!! Gently, I whispered to myself "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FU(K IS THAT!!!!! MUMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!", as I grabbed a hanky to mop up my instantaneous self-made poo.

Then, without warning (apart from the loud fluttering banging noises), this gigantic albatross-type thing flew out from under the couch and flapped at me!!!

I said to this as-of-yet unidentified flying beast, politely, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH GET THE FU(K OFF ME YOU BIG HAIRY *******!!!!!!!!!!!!!", before swiftly skipping off into the kitchen and hiding in the tumble-drier.

But then I though "No! Lyndsay will realise I am a pussy! I must battle this thing to the death!" So I leapt out, banging my head and pulling a muscle in the process, and ran out with Lyndsay's size 4 Logo flip-flop.

It was on the window-sill. It looked like the massive moth that never got a starring role in 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'. And now it was here, seeking revenge.

I tried hitting it with the footwear, but it managed to evade my swift attcking maneouvres (which involved aimlessly swinging the shoe whilst screaming like a big girl), before continuing it's random flapping movements. Then, in a moment of unimaginable brilliance, using my Roberto Carlos-style right thigh to swing and my Beckhamesque right-foot to connect, I managed to half-volley this beast from hell right in the pus. Sensing victory was near, I began to rejoice, shouting "HAHAHA YOU WEE *****, WHO'S THE DADDY NOO!? EH!? EH!?!?"

But my celebrations were premature... for it managed to regain it's balance, and continue it's dark flutter. At a loss, I ran back to the kitchen to rethink my startegy.

Then I came out with a chopping board and melted it in the face repeatedly until it was but a powdery splattering upon my Everst PVC-u Lifetime Guaranteed 'Fit The Best™' window pane.

Since then, I have encountered one more in my flat and two more in my flat hallway. Where the hell did these crazy wing-ed beats rise from!?!?
 

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I Like To Disco Dance
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nothing like showing the wee man how act aye ;) he will be a big womens blouse just like you in no time atall
 

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When I read "orange poop hanging out" all of a sudden ive gone off my tuna and mayo sandwhich.
 

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oh my god i love u lol so funny so so so funny made my day TJ U RULE !!!
 
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