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This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother f*cking manager, you c*ck sucking arsewipe? he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please
refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as
soon as I can'.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the f*cking manager of this b*stard place?'

'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you would
refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'.

'F*ck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the f*cking piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.

'F*cking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of rubbish, show
me your c*nting piano.'

'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and he shows the bloke to the piano.

'Can you play any blues?'

'Of course I f*cking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring
and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.

'That's superb. What's it called?'

'I Tried To Shag Yer Missus On The Sofa But The Springs Kept Hurting My
cigar,' replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.

The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard.

'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'

'I Wanted A chicken choke Over The Washing Machine But I Got My Balls Caught In The Soap Drawer'.

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.

The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard,

'And what's this called?' asks the manager.

'As I F*ck You Under The Stars With The Moonlight Shining Off Your Hairy
Ring-Piece,' replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job
on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of
the customers. This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts arealmost falling out the top of her black lace bra, and the skimpy little 'G'
string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms.

She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on
asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin.

The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to
masturbate. He's tugging away furiously when he hears the manager's voice.

'Where's that b*stard pianist?'

He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the
piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts
playing some more tunes.

The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear,

'Do you know your knob and tomatoes are hanging out your trousers and
dripping spunk on your shoes?'





'Know it?' the bloke replies 'I f*cking wrote it.

:wohow:
 
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