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Former Site Owner
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Discussion Starter #1
Best Comebacks

What are your best comebacks?, ever left anyone 100% speechless?
 

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some one said oi fatty

i said the only reason im fat is because every time i shag your mum she gives me a cookie
 

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CheeseKitten
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u know what Craig, the amount times I've replied to stuff on here, and I cant remember a single one!?
 

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Twatted a guy in the mouth in a club after he spent an hour perving on me! Wiped him out cold. Has to be my best comeback, purely coz there was no way in this world he was expecting it!
 

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Former Site Owner
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Discussion Starter #5
Heres mine.

Buying a packet of chewing gum and handing the guy a tenner in the shop.

He asked "Have you got anything smaller?"

I said "I've got a penny"

He said "That's too small".

I said "That's why i gave you a tenner you biff".


Good Night
 

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LOL at this one !!!

A few years ago a girl was having a go at me in the pub !! I'd had a few beers and i'd never met her before and she was hurling abuse at me !!! My response - I walked up to her and kissed her !!! She was stunned and walked out red faced !!!! :lol: \:D/
 

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erm...........
i know what response this is gonna get but here goes......

Me and my mates were out in a club for my birthday last year,

there was 3 lads being complete plebs to me and my bezzie mate...
they were all
'wayhay, look at the tits on them, come over here and give us a shag' etc

so my mate says..........'sorry we're lesbiens'.

so they go 'prove it!!'

so.................erm...............we did!! :D


they soooooooo had no answer to that, they walked off speachless!! :lol: :eek:oops: :twisted:

Moral of the story girls.........

if ur getting hassle off a minger.........snog ur best mate!!
 

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Got another 1 !!!

Last year i was Christmas shopping !! And i knew my mum wanted this Daniel O'Donnel cd !!

So i pick it up in HMV and head for the till !!

A fit young girl is standing there and smiles at me !!!

she says, 'Your a big Daniel O'Donnel fan are you?' with a cheeky smile !!

I say, 'Yeah, i love Scottish music!'

she says, 'He Irish not Scottish!' with another cheeky smile!!

i say, 'They're yer go yer a bigger fan than me then!!' =D> =D>

She stopped smiling !! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

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CheeseKitten
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There was that time I was caught by my next door neighbour (a french exchange student) at uni, climbing on his porch roof to retrieve a bag chicken gibblets that had been thrown there during an all-out food fight in our house...

My class response being a thumbs-up & and very loud "BONJOUR!!" before falling off the roof onto some bushes...does that count?
 

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was talkin to a lad once who had been an ex of my ex, he said to me:

"u still goin out with that slapper?"

my reply was:

"that slapper is soon gonna be my wife"


soon shut him up, and he was very apologetic, wonder why
 

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Rusty Hole......
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i have 2, one i mentioned before about me being shut up on a building site!

the other:

couple of years ago my granddad past away, had a little bit of time off work to help my parents out.

one of my supervisors who never really spoke to me much asked what i had got up to on the weekend, thinking he was taking the piss and also was still fairly down about what i had done that weekend, SO i reply with

"I buried my Granddad, how about you then mate??"

he went quiet and then replied, sorry mate i didnt know. :eek:hwell:
 

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Former Site Owner
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Discussion Starter #13
Jib 21 said:
There was that time I was caught by my next door neighbour (a french exchange student) at uni, climbing on his porch roof to retrieve a bag chicken gibblets that had been thrown there during an all-out food fight in our house...

My class response being a thumbs-up & and very loud "BONJOUR!!" before falling off the roof onto some bushes...does that count?
pmsl - just read that
 

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Best one I ever heard - NOT ME, read it somewhere was a guy who got caught for speeding...

The police officer said 'I've been waiting for someone like you all day'

The guys response 'Well I got here as fast as I could'

Apparently the officer was pissing himself so much he let him off :D
 

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Rusty Hole......
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Xanda said:
Best one I ever heard - NOT ME, read it somewhere was a guy who got caught for speeding...

The police officer said 'I've been waiting for someone like you all day'

The guys response 'Well I got here as fast as I could'

Apparently the officer was pissing himself so much he let him off :D
shall have to remember that one! although i'm sure they will come back with something about novas and the spainish meaning of the word! :eek:hwell:
 

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Former Site Owner
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Discussion Starter #16
conversation between me and my mate ay work yesterday.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit!"
"No, you're a cunt"

"If wit were shit, you'd be constipated!"
"But you'd smell like wit..."

"Talk to the hand"
"Fuck off hand"
 

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this is one I actually said, the police officer pulled the other half over. rolls down the window and say's to Shelley, "are you the driver of the vechicle" now bearing in mind he came to the passenger window and i was in the passenger seat. for some reason i blurted out "well done Sherlock" . . . . .
 

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This happened YEARS ago ....................

there was a magazine out called "On the Road"....I was collecting them & so was my Pop......
I used to pick mine up from the local newsagents, he had his delivered ....Anyway he did'nt receive issue No 6 so he rings me to ask me to get it for him when I pick mine up .......

Goes into the local newsagent & picks up TWO copies of Issue No 6...take em to the check out & the girls says " Do you know you've got TWO No 6's there .......

To which I reply ....." Yeah it's ok Darlin I'm readin in Stereo..these days !!!!!!1"....................

Also ....bin shoppin in Asda..get to the checkout & writes a cheque fer the bill....She authorises it & goes to put it in the till......

I say "Would you mind if I had the cheque back coz it's my last one"

She opens the till & GIVES IT ME BACK!!!...I say thanks & walk out of the store ......................

One weeks shoppin ..absolutly FREE OF CHARGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is NOT really a "Comeback" line but it's funny .....

The guy thats does my job in the Midlands is only small (bout 4..11) ..but a real BASTARD.....he's on the M6 comin up to some road works (Outside lane closed Ect ) .....He would'nt let this Flash BMW in & the guy goes off on one screamin & shoutin ....so after the roadworks John pulls on to the hard shoulder to give him some ............John winds his driving window down bout 2 inches & sits & waits ...............sure enough the BMW drivers pulls up behind & dives outta the car ....grabs hold of John's window & sets off shoutin ...............at which point John winds UP the window (Trappin the guys fingers ...& drives off!!!!!

CUE....BMW driver runnin sideways down the hard shoulder wiv his fingers trapped in john's window ........John got to bout 10 MPH before he let him go

bet that driver won't get out & start shoutin the Odds again !!!!!!!!!
 

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Loadsamoney! So shut it!!!
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hoogie!!!

that chewing gum was a opint and the film was Requiem Apache (Sp all round) brilliant film with cool car chases!

best line i have heard was to a copper we had bee pulled over driving a Brand new boxster this is how it went (oh i was in the car as a passenger)

cop 'this your cars sir'
Mate 'yes'
cop 'can i ask how you an afford this'
Mate 'yeah i am not a cop'

2 hours we where thier!
 
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