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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
old ones but good ones!!

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit
>"How many children?" asks the council worker?
>
>"10" replies the Essex girl
>
>"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
>
>"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne
>and Wayne"
>
>"Doesn't that get confusing?"
>
>"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing
>in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE
>GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
>
>"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
>council worker.
>
>"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
>
>----------------------------------------------------
>
>An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
>on the counter.
>"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."she says.
>
>"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>
>"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
>
>----------------------------------------------------
>
>An Essex Girl enters a s*x shop & asks for a vibrator.
>The man says "Choose from our range on the wall.
>
>"She says "I'll take the red one.
>
>"The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
>---------------------------------------------------
>
>An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
>and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
>
>Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you
>some questions?"
>
>Girl: "OK"
>
>Medic: "What's your name?"
>
>Girl: "Sharon."
>
>Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
>
>Sharon: "Yes."
>
>Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
>
>Sharon: "Chelmsford, mate."
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
>It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on
>the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
>careful!"
>
>"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of
them!
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash;
>there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out
of
>the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
>
>Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
>
>Sharon: "Ok."
>
>Medic: "Ok, how many fingers am I putting up?"
>
>Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl
>notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is
>wearing.
>
>She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz
>one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it.
>
>So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and
>replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it
is
>for
>me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"
>
>"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
got
>C&A on
>them.
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Lorry driver driving through Essex. Stops at a red light,
>and a car pulls up behind him, the door opens and a blonde woman gets
out,
>runs up to the door and knocks on his window.
>The lorry driver lowers the window and the woman says: "Hi,
>my name's Heather, you're losing your load from your lorry"
>
>The lorry driver grunts and winds his window back up and
>as the lights change he pulls away, only to get caught at the next set
>of lights, where the blonde again knocks on the window, gets him to
lower
>it and as if it never happened says:
>"Hi, my name's Heather, you're losing your load from your lorry"
>He again rolls his eyes and pulls away as the lights change.....
>once again he gets caught by the lights and he sees her running up once
>more.
>She again knocks on the window, he lowers it and again she comes out
with:
>"Hi, my name's Heather, you're losing your load from your lorry"
>He says something rather rude under his breath and roars away from
>the lights shaking his head.
>
>He swears like a mad man as he sees the next set of lights turning
>red and the woman's car tearing up behind him. Before she can get
>out he throws open his door, jumps down and legs it back to her car.
>She rolls her window down as he knocks and he says:
>
>"Hi, my name's Dave, and I'm driving a gritter!!!"

:mrgreen:
 
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